What Do You Care What Other People Think?
About a year ago, I was feeling a little restricted by the gym I was using, so I decided to check out the new Gold’s Gym in our neighborhood. Gold’s was housed in a biiiiig, two story building: all shiny and new, with lots of shiny new equipment too. I especially liked the free weight area, which was bigger and better equipped than the one I was using.
I got a little annoyed, however, when the sales dude giving me the tour pointed out the private, “women’s only” fitness room to me. I gave him my best “You Have Got To Be Yanking Me” glare, and told him I had exactly ZERO interest in using it. He was appropriately chagrined, and hastened to explain the room was there for their female members who felt “more comfortable” using separate facilities.
Unfortunately, he was right. After I joined, I saw women – most of them middle aged (like me!) – going in and out of there on a regular basis. I didn’t blame Gold’s – they’re a business, after all, and it was apparently what some women wanted. As the number of “women’s only” fitness facilities attest, there are plenty of women who feel uncomfortable working out around men.
For the love of God, why??? I’m quite conscious of the fact that sexism exists. I’ve lived some of it, first hand. Yet, I’ve rarely seen it in the weight room. In all the years I’ve been lifting, I’ve been hassled exactly once – and the gym management dealt with it. C’est la vie. The reality is that even the biggest, strongest men who could lift me with one hand have always treated me with respect. I’ve never had any problems working in with the guys on some common piece of equipment. None of them have ever refused to give me a spot, or hesitated to show me some exercise variation they’re doing that caught my eye. Bodybuilders, powerlifters, or just average joes – they’re all pretty easy to get along with. Some of ’em are pretty easy on the eyes, too. 😉
So why do some women feel uncomfortable? They’re afraid of looking awkward and out of place. They don’t want to be judged for doing it “wrong.” They don’t want to feel weak or clumsy. Evidently it’s easier to deal with those feelings by…not dealing with them at all, and retreating into self-segregated communities of other women who feel the same way.
But self-segregation comes at a cost: I have yet to see the “women’s only” workout facility or program that didn’t translate into “watered down.” The room at Gold’s, for example, didn’t have a dumbbell over 15 pounds, for heaven’s sakes. If a women’s-only set up helps you “break the ice,” then great – if you’re a beginner, you should do whatever it takes to get started. Over the long term, however, it’s no way to grow, or truly develop your potential for fitness and strength (and leanness!). For that, it takes being in a real gym, using real weights.
The reality is that most men won’t pay the least bit of attention to what you do in the free weight area, unless you do something to violate “gym etiquette,” such as interrupt someone in the middle of a set, roost on a piece of equipment, and so on. They’re focused on their own work, so no one is going to point, laugh or stare – or even think – about you.
Just for the sake of argument though, let’s pretend that they do. Does that really matter? Does the sky fall if people look at you? Do their thoughts actually hurt you?
In the end, what do you care what other people think?
I don’t. And I really have had people stare at me, too, at times. My old gym was in the city Rec Center, and had glass walls, so people walking past would often stop and look in. And if I happened to be working in the vicinity, then they’d look straight at me. Sometimes it was impossible not to: my ex-trainer used to give me some pretty strange exercises to do, like hopping up and down the stairwell on one leg at a time, as fast as I could; or doing weighted speed jumps on the benches outside the gym. I even had an entire tour group stop to watch me while I was doing cleans. I have no idea what they thought of me. Personally I thought it was kinda funny, and didn’t mind putting on a “show” at all.
I used to do drama/musicals when I was younger, so this video made me smile.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkYZ6rbPU2M]
It has nothing to do with exercise or fitness, of course, but it illustrates the point: so what if people think you look silly? Having other people stare at you, or think that you’re weird isn’t traumatic. And – needless to state – lifting weights alongside other people who are also lifting weights is a lot less “weird” than breaking into song in the middle of a mall food court.
In other words, no one’s actually going to look at or bother you, but you don’t have to let it stop you if they do: win-win.
Sure, if you’re new to lifting weights, it will feel strange at first, and you do want to get it right to avoid injury. There is, however, a ton of good info available, so it shouldn’t be hard to put together a list of exercises, and make an appointment with a trainer to walk you through them. The awkward feeling will vanish quickly enough, and you’ll be on your way…no need to hide in the “women’s room.”
