I’ll Take the “Double Bacon Bohemoth Burger,” Thank You!

Posted By elissa on Jun 18, 2012 | 2 comments

This new ad for “Lean Pockets” (low-fat/calorie version of “Hot Pockets”) is making the rounds of the blogosphere:

Most folks commenting on this appear to be stunned at the sheer, campy awfulness of David Hasselhoff’s performance. I can’t argue with the critics; although I also can’t fault Mr. Hasselhoff: he’s an actor… it’s his job to follow the script and direction. Presumably, his bizarre, affected, over-the-top performance was precisely what the ad agency had in mind. And – in a way – I suppose the agency achieved its objective. People are talking about the ad, after all.

All publicity is good publicity, I suppose… even when it’s bad.

The thing that commanded my attention, however, wasn’t David Hasselhoff… or even the painfully obvious sexism/size-ism of the ad. Rather, it was this close-up shot of the product:

Ewwww… what the hell is in that thing!? It looks like a semi-congealed bolus of chopped parsley mixed with Elmer’s Glue*! I’m assuming it’s supposed to be spinach-and-cheese, but that’s just a WAG – I didn’t find anything quite like it in this list of “Lean Pocket” products.

All that I know is that it looks… damn unappetizing. And the bit toward the end – where he waves the plate under her nose and they oooh and aaah over how delicious it smells – reinforces this impression. Even though the product is (mercifully) intact, it seems so plain and small all by its lonesome on the plate. Whatever else you can say about it, it doesn’t look anything like a meal.

Suffice it to say, it doesn’t compare favorably to the “Double Bacon Bohemoth** Burger.”

And – given that choice in the real world – I’d take the burger in a heartbeat. One burger – even a “behemoth” – isn’t going to wreck my efforts to stay lean (let alone dictate who I hook up with). As long as it’s not a regular indulgence, it’s no big deal (particularly since I probably wouldn’t finish it, anyway).

Sure, in general, it’s better to choose lower-calorie fare vs. higher calorie. But that doesn’t make “Lean Pockets” a good – or even decent – choice for those non-indulgent days. Judging from that ad, I’d have to be pretty desperate to down a “Lean Pocket” – I’d just as soon construct a low-fat, higher protein hot sandwich using my own lean meat/low-fat cheese, 100% whole grain bread and a panini press. It’s almost as convenient and much yummier.

*Admittedly, this analogy was my second choice – the first was NSFW.

**I’m not sure wassup with “Bohemoth” – I’d like to think the misspelling was deliberate, but with an ad this dumb, it’s tough to be sure.